Sometime's Goodbye's The Only Way
by aerisofthewhite
Summary: She stands at the window, watching. He stands by her side, cowering. He stands at the door, prepared. She stands out of sight, afraid. He stands alone. Oneshots from the others Cullen's points of view on their leaving.
1. First Sight

Written in responce to the _enormus_ amount of Bella/ Edward/ Jacob fan fiction, but a lack of any from the other Culllens.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twlight, or any of it's sequels. Those belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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**_Sometime's Goodbye's The Only Way..._**

_Part one: First Sight_

Alice is the first to sense it, the first to see. She just freezes in Jasper's arms late that night. She had been midway through a long rant on why he should come home, rather than keep running and never stop, as he felt like right now. But then she halts, and sees things that make her cringe and draw in a breath. She feels him stiffen as well, probably worried by what she's seen of him, but his future isn't shown to her. She lets out a single piercing snarl, that probably scares even him and then next thing she knows, she's running, dragging him, startled but not struggling, along with her.

She knows he's confused, because he keeps muttering her name, wondering what she'd seen and why it caused her to react so. But right now, she's confused too and she doesn't like to be confused. Not one bit. But it doesn't make sense, the things she'd noticed last night and the things she's seen. It doesn't make sense and it isn't right. She knows it's useless, because _he's _a stubborn fool and his mind can't be changed for anything and he's probably still at Bella's house anyway, but it doesn't matter. She wants answers and she wants to be in a place where she knows she's going to get them soon.

-And she wants to hit him, when she sees him, walking slowly through the door the next morning, at the human speed, unusual for him. Obviously he doesn't want to answer the questions she has, but he was going to answer them. He was going to or so help her, she'd change Bella herself. Jasper is sitting beside her, anxious, still in the dark, apart from the odd angry mumble she'd let out but probably guessing what's happening from Edward's mood. He isn't looking at Edward (or Emmett or Rosalie who had entered the room, either to find the answers that she refused to tell them, or to find out how Bella was from Edward). He's looking at the ground, still ashamed. But, in comparison, he has nothing to be ashamed of.

She takes a breaths she doesn't need and almost begins when he cuts across her- and she hates him doing this, reading her questions from her thoughts, so that she can't yell at him. He whispers the reply to the unspoken question, at the human speed as well. "There is no other way." And even though she wants to hit him at that moment, or plead or scream or anything that is unlike her normal way of acting and might make him change his mind, for the moment she wants to hug him and tell him it's all going to be alright, whatever he chooses, so long as he stays with her. But they both know that her brand of foresight can't prove that. And he doesn't look like a hug would help. And he probably reads the intention in her head anyway. So instead she just yells.

"How can you even think of doing this to her? To us- to yourself?" She wants to say more, but Edward seems to be ignoring her, trying to walk past her to get into the kitchen. She hates being ignored like this- she isn't like Rose, she doesn't demand attention, but when she asks for it, it's only because what she has to say is important. She's pretty sure he's doing all of this on purpose, just to annoy her. Except that's a little infantile, and it makes her feel so for thinking it. But she can't help it. So she blocks his path, and for once, she feels terrifying and demonic, even though he's towering over her. She knows he isn't planning on hitting her, and even if he changes his mind (and by the way he's looking at her now, it could happen), Jasper will stop him.

She knows it's childish to demand he listen to her. She knows he's probably gone through all of this already. She knows she's making it all worse for trying so hard to make him question this decision that he probably wants so badly to change. And she knows that she's supposed to be the understanding one- the two of them against the rest of the world. _"Freaks among those who are already freaks," _he used to call them. But she also knows that it's a mistake and she can't see how he can justify it. And whatever she says now, she knows he'll understand that she's only saying it because she loves him and wants him to be happy, and can't stand the image she has in her head of his pain, during the next few days and probably longer. She can't stop herself now, but she hopes he'll understand.

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More to come tomorrow. And there should be eight in total, each told from a different Cullen (or Hale) point of view. Review if you like. And (as always), watch out for spelling errors! 


	2. The One At Fault

_Part Two- The One At Fault_

Jasper barely says a word. He doesn't feel he has the right to. He was the one that had provoked this reaction and he knows it is his fault that they have to leave, his fault that Edward has to lose it all.

At one point, he offers to leave by himself instead- he wants to anyway, to get out of this house and he almost feels relieved that he will soon, whatever the choice is, but Edward doesn't hear him, or ignores him if he does. She's too busy yelling at him, endless profanities escaping her lips, more than he ever thought she knew. For once, waves of anger are rolling off her. Questions that Edward's been preparing and can hear from her thoughts are spoken anyway, just so that she can get the chance to voice them and it brings Esme and Carlisle, who had kept to the kitchen when Edward had returned, in.

This is what Edward is hoping for. A chance to talk to their "parents". He stares over Alice's head, as if she's not there. "Carlisle, I wanted to ask you if it would be viable for us- to leave. As soon as possible"

"No, no, no!" Alice bellows, her head raised, making more noise than she looks capable of. But no one really pays much attention to her. Carlisle frowns and it's like he has the power to read minds, instead of Edward. Because he knows that Edward isn't planning to lift Bella from her life here. It makes him feel uneasy.

The others slowly pick up on what's going on and Emmett's face gives away disgust, Esme's shock. But none of it phases Edward who continues on, speaking quietly, calmly, in a way he could never imagine, that may fool the others but is so obviously a rouse from the way his mood thrashes like he's left her already.

"I have decided that it is time I left, and I was hoping that I could convince you all to come-"

That's all he can say before Alice's yelling drowns out his words. She knows Carlisle's answer already- none of them need Edward's ability to read minds to see it. They all know that their only loyalty is to each other, and they've been here long enough and they can't all choose to stay behind for a human. But his reasons- those are quite unclear and it's these that has them all waiting, letting Alice demand her answers, distresses and baffled.

"How do you think she'll cope? How in God's name do you think she'll just be able to move on- when all of her life was set out in front of her? A life with you?"

"She'll have Charlie," he says calmly, like it'll be enough for anyone. "He'll keep her as safe as she needs to be- and without us here, it should be a little easier." He laughs once, without humour.

"And that'll be alright then, will it? Oh, come on, Edward! You know better than any of us how broken life is when you're living it for other people."

The room goes quiet. They rarely talk about that dispirited time in his life, and he can feel it hurts them all a little bit to think that it will be like that again- maybe worse.

All, except Edward, who takes it in his stride. He's probably already shuddered over this decision enough to realise it's effects and he just shrugs it off. "She'll find more reason. Time heals and changes things." He seemed adamant that no one is going to focus on his pain. It's his decision and he's not going to dwell on his self-inflicted agony.

The argument continues, with Alice getting more and more aggravated (he didn't think it was possible, but apparently it is for her) and Edward starting to look bored (or at least trying to look so- but not quite managing to feel so, only more apprehensive). He doesn't try to control the mood- there are some feelings that couldn't be altered. And he doesn't think Edward would want to feel good about this. Even though, at the moment, _he_ does. He's glad that he'll never have to look at Bella again, to feel guilty for forcing this upon her, for forcing Edward's hand.

And he hopes that Edward isn't paying attention at that point.

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I love Jasper and want to write more for him (because he's just so easy...) but anyways. Another tomorow (I think)- from Emmett, who is a little more tricky. And if you haven't guessed already, one from every Cullen for the rest of this week (I'm working tirelessly to get these done, so that I won't focus on them any more). It may be a little bit of a rush, so sorry if all the "he"'s confused you (I refused to write Jasper more than just once at the top- and I maintain that) and spell errors please! Review if you like. 


	3. Worth Fighting For?

(Author's Note: The previous chapter was called "The One At Fault" revolving around Jasper. Just to clear this up I do **NOT **hold Jasper to blame for the leaving- I just believe that he holds himself to blame, because that's who he is. Just someone was struggling with that concept.)

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_Part Three: Worth Fighting For_

Emmett's mind is moving far too fast for him, trying to make sense of this, trying to work out what's going on. He barely notices Rosalie pulling herself closer to him and he knows he'll be in big trouble late for this, but he can't force himself to stop thinking. He doesn't understand, but then he's never really understood Edward- first he's going against them all by taking on a human, and now he's just letting her go. It doesn't feel right, this leaving. It's like all the fighting his brother did before was in vain. And if this isn't worth fighting for, then what is?

He can't quite put his thoughts together into an argument, so it's probably a good thing that Alice is arguing for all of them and to him, she seems to be doing a rather good job. But every time she tries to convince him, he struggles out. He's already thought about it all, spent a long night preparing himself for this and now he won't be swayed.

"What'll she think of us?" Esme mutters, more to herself than to anyone else and so no one answers. They all know Bella will forgive them. And they know that Esme can't stand that.

"As long as this is what's best, then I have to do it. And I need you all to help her by leaving her alone," he says, and no one can come up with a good enough argument for this.

Alice tries. "But what about you?" She looks like she wants to say more, like a thousand unspoken questions were to follow this one- but she freezes, not wanting to cause him to dwell on it. Or maybe knowing he'd hear them all anyway and only speaking this one aloud of the benefit of the others.

And he smiles, for a few moments, his eyes focused on the ground, a slight smile, like remembering some distant memory, lost and almost forgotten and pleasing to him. And it's like it's the easiest thing in the world to give her up, like he's already convinced himself he's not in love with her any more, like he's humouring them. Except his smile is a bit too small, a bit too forced and nowhere near extending to his eyes. And it can't rid them of their agony- which becomes even more clear as he meets Alice's gaze, making him look even more pained.

"It's what's best for her," he says again, and it's like he's trying so desperately hard to believe it himself. "I can live with it. If she is happy, then I can do it." He pauses, seeing that Alice is about to dispute his words and changes them around. "If it keeps her safe, then I have to do this. I want to. And if she can find happiness along the way-" and here Edward frowns, seems to wince, but maybe he's hearing things that aren't there, maybe not, "then how do I have any right to take that from her?"

And there's nothing to say. He can't argue with his brother on this, because this was exactly what they argued about half a year ago: whether she was going to be safe around him. And he can't take back his words, even though he doesn't believe them any more. It isn't fair. When Edward was arguing for keeping her around, he had won. And now that he's changed his mind, he can't seem to remember Edward's winning argument, to use against him.

Edward seems to have realised that they've all run out of things to say, arguments to oppose his plans, and so he begins to stride up the stairs, at a more hurried speed. Alice gets a chance to glance quickly around the room, her eyes lingering on Carlisle's, hoping for some help. He merely sighs and shakes his head. Her gaze flickers to his, and he mimics Carlisle's shrug. What does she expect him to do? Beat Edward up? Tie him to a tree (and it would have to be a very stable tree) and lead Bella to him every other day? The idea does sound rather tempting, but Edward would see him coming. And he'd never admit it aloud, but Edward could beat him in a straight fight, if he had enough reason to fight.

And then Edward returns, after only a few human moments had passed, with fresh clothes on. His face retains a smile- but it isn't the real smile they had grown to appreciate Bella for giving him. More like a mask- one he had put in place for the benefit of them all. It wasn't like his face when he had to leave her, resigned and angry, or even when he thought she had died. It's the cover each of them recognise vaguely, just realising how much his face had changed- how much more alive it was just a few short days ago. It's the face he had put in place before he'd met Bella, back when his life didn't really mean anything or offer him anything besides his family- no emotions he'd never felt before, no task he'd never tackled, no one to love like the others had. When life was just a pretence as well.

There's no life in his face, just a serene charade, to try and fool others that he's happy, to try to hide the hurt and emptiness. Only now, it's oozing from his eyes, in a way that cannot be hidden- at least not from them. To them, he looks dead. To him, he looks as if he has no reason to exist- as if he could just drop at any moment from lack of purpose.

Alice sees his intentions and stands, meaning to change or locate her bag, and then follow him, but he's already shaking his head. She stares at him incredulously, and for a moment he feels a tingle of something he's never felt for Alice- genuine fear. If those eyes were directed at him, he'd probably decide to keel over, rather than face that fury, but Edward frowns back, the smile gone.

"You can't really expect me to-"

"That's exactly what I expect, Alice. No goodbyes." He says this a little louder, gritting his teeth. And then he turns to leave. And finally, when all seems said, the words that had evaded him become clear, and come out before he can truly process their meaning. "She won't give up you know. And you won't be able to convince her to want you to leave."

His words stop Edward in his tracks- maybe because he hadn't been expecting them from his big brother, because he hadn't thought them before speaking. Or maybe the words drag something up that he wants to suppress. Either way, Edward turns, a momentary smile coming to his face, bitter and grim and then disappearing completely. "Then I'll have to give her no reason to believe I want to stay."

The others widen their eyes or take a quick breath. Even Rosalie stiffens in his arms. Alice glowers. This is too much for her- she can't see that in some ways Edward is right. He has to leave her- he was always going to have to. His only mistake was getting too involved to begin with, if she wasn't going to join them. But Alice is too involved as well, and can't see this in any way, other than two people in love, both too stubborn to agree with each others beliefs and so one deciding it can't continue. Or maybe she's able to see more clearly the consequences of their leaving. Poor Alice- to have to see all the hurt they'd cause, just by packing up and moving on like they'd done so many times before. And then he thinks of Edward, having to read it in Alice's mind. He's better at hiding pain than any of them could ever imagine.

And Edward must have read this thought, or maybe Alice's were heading in the same direction because he turns on her at that moment and growls, "And no looking at her future either. We've done enough damage." And he's not sure if Edward asks this because he can't stand to know- because his decision is so definite that a little thing like Bella being unable to go on living wouldn't phase it, but might phase him or because he thinks it will phase the plan, and it's better Bella died than him giving in and her joined them.

And then he leaves, like that's it. Like the discussion is over, like Alice has given in, like she'll accept they just have to go. And maybe in her mind, she has. But her face shows resolve that doesn't look capable of giving in. This is one clash she won't lose easily. Even if she can see she'll fail, she won't give in without a fight.

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Apologies. I seem to have put a little too much Alice in here... and not enough Rosalie, which is where Emmet's attention **SHOULD** be. But Alice takes central place in the arguements. The dialogue is the reason why this chapter is longer than the others- I suck at dialogue and it kept getting in the way of all the reflective glory. Also, I had no New Moon in front of me while writing this (my friend took her copy back), so if I made any mistakes in the dialogue, then I apologise. I didn't think it turned out bad, considering I don't really understand Emmett's reactions to things. Rosalie is next and I understand her even less, so it should be fun! Review if you like and spelling checks as always! Thank you. 


	4. Caught Up In Between

_Part Four- Caught Up In Between_

Rosalie is the first to break the trance, that falls upon the room once Edward had softly shut the door, the first to move, while the others are all frozen, the shock still obvious on Esme's face, Alice staring at the door, a strange mixture of frustration and sympathy in her eyes, Jasper just quietly contemplating and, if this strange calm falling over her is any indication, trying to placate Alice, to stop her from following Edward or whatever she plans to do that wouldn't be helpful right now.

She gets up from Emmett's lap, his hands easily falling away, and walks out of the room. He looks up at her but he doesn't follow and he'll probably expect a rebuke for this later, but, for once, it doesn't bother her. For once, she wants to be alone, and she has to get away from this imposed serenity to be sure what she's feeling is real and not enforced. She feels awkward in that room- like she doesn't quite fit with the others on this, although she'd never have argued Edward's point.

But it's more than that- she knows she should feel relieved that they're leaving (even though she and Emmett were planning to leave soon anyway), she should feel happy, but she can't. All she can feel is strange hurt ebbing at her, for Edward's obvious pain. She can see the anguish he's heading for, almost as if she's got Alice's gift, and she feels for him. And then there's a slightly smaller, duller feeling and she thinks it must be worry for Bella. And this is why she should feel glad to be leaving, because she sees she's getting a little attached to the human. So, she's no longer neutral on this subject and can't really know how she feels about leaving- she's caught between wanting to go, for herself and hating this- for the hurt it'll cause. Maybe it would be easier if she could just decide which one she feels.

_What is it about Bella which is drawing us all in like this? _she wonders. She can see Edward's fascination with his little social experiment- a challenge is a rare thing for a being who's had almost a century to experience most thing and the ability to read minds, which makes surprises futile. She almost seems made for him in those regards. And of course, he loves her. And it's obvious from her eyes that she's cares deeply for him as well- another rarity to find a human, who can bare to be around any of them for an extended period. She can see this, even if she can't really understand it. But the others shouldn't be so attached, shouldn't be so frustrated over this decision, shouldn't be stuck in the other room, struggling to let go.

Her mind trails to Emmett's face, uncharacteristically sombre and she can't help but feel the familiar gnawing of jealousy at her insides. The thought occurred to her once- just before she insisted to him that they leave and go travelling, insisting to him that it was to escape the town they've been trapped in for two years, insisting to herself it was to get away from Edward's tedious delirium over his new play-thing (but really knowing it was to keep Emmett occupied with herself and not the play-thing), that maybe something about the human girl (perhaps her clumsiness) endeared her to the males of their household. It comes back and won't go away now. Even though she's really more like a daughter to Carlisle, and Jasper is devoted to Alice and blew his chances anyway by snapping at her neck last night and Emmett has reassured her countless times that Bella is like a hopeless little sister to him- entertaining to poke fun at, but not at all interesting to him like that. It's ludicrous that, after 70 years together, she should fear to lose Emmett to Bella (who's not going to around for much longer to have a chance to take him)- but it's frightening how absorbed Edward is by her when he paid _her_ no attention at all. Maybe it's a gift Bella has, something _she_ could never mimic or have a chance against.

So it's probably best that they leave now, before Emmett begins declaring himself and all-out war starts between the brothers (and she suspects Edward might win- Bella was his discovery and he wouldn't let Emmett share in the spoils- even if he doesn't plan to stay around to enjoy them) and she loses her cool and scratches Bella's eyes out. Her mind begins travelling into dark territory, as she imagines Emmett and Bella together- _But of course,_ she says, to comfort herself maybe, _his self-control isn't of the same standard as Edward's, so maybe he'll lose it and we'll have no human to worry about..._

Or maybe it's not just the males, and Alice'll proclaim passionate love for Bella and drag her off into the sunset to change her- that's if Jasper doesn't get to her first...

These thoughts are so ridiculous and so phycotic, that they almost make her hysterical. She shakes her head frantically, to get them out, relieved that Edward's (hopefully) too far away and too preoccupied to read her mind and hear this madness. Yes, better that they leave- save the human from being torn apart by all the overly-possessive vampires. And save Bella from this life, she thinks bitterly, and wistfully if she were being honest with herself. Because she does agree with Edward (and maybe she's the only one who does) that Bella's better off alone or dead (okay, so maybe he wouldn't go that far) than joining this life. And this isn't a selfish thought- she hopes for it for Bella rather than herself.

But- and she has to admit this part because it's the reason for the small uncomfortable feeling in her gut, she doesn't- no, she can't agree with Edward's "Love you not" ploy. And, if she were being truthful, she'd acknowledge that it's because Edward's never said this to anyone else before. It's better to feel it for someone just once, than never (even if it's not for her. And she realises that it doesn't bother her so much any more that it's not for her). And to take it all back now- well, that's just cruel. Maybe she's found a fate worse that this one.

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I went entirely insane towards the end, writing about Rosalie imagining etracting revenge on Bella and Emmett for their phantom betrayal- so I had to cut it there. That's why it's so rushed. But writing for Rosalie was way easier (and a lot more fun) than I though- maybe because I prefer stories with no dialogue. Tommorow is Esme, but she's the blandest character for me, so it should be either sentimental crap or just some crap that spouts from me. Either way it'll be crap. And it may take longer than a day to do (but hopefully not). Spellings and review if you like! 


	5. The Clicking Of Time

_Part Five: The Clicking Of time_

Esme is the one left to pack up. She can't even bring herself to pretend to grumble- this is usually her job and she's glad to have something to occupy herself. It doesn't help with her mind- she can't stop her thoughts from travelling in dark circles which make her shiver, but it makes her feel like she's finally doing something productive, something to help in this situation where she feels imcompetant and obsolete.

No one else is left in the house to help, but that's okay- it just allows her to drag the task out. Carlisle left for the hospital, planning to leave his resignation till the last moment, partially to give them a chance to leave, but mostly to give Edward time to change his mind. Which doesn't seem to be close to happening. Emmett and Rosalie left as soon as dark had come, wanting to be away before Edward returned- not that any of them had noticed if he had. Jasper accompanied them, claiming it was to get their newly acquired house in Cornell set up- but really wanting to escape this house, which he feels holds him responsible for these events. Alice had been torn between wanting to stay- to see if there was any small way left to change his mind or even just to let her say goodbye (even though she sees this will be easier without one), and wanting to stay with Jasper, who needs her so much right now. In the end, he told her to stay, to do what she could for Edward, which of course made her feel like staying with Jasper was even more critical (she's never liked doing what he tells her to do- it makes her suspicious).

Alice wouldn't have made much difference to the situation if she'd stayed, except she could have helped to pack up all her clothes (which took the best part of 20 minutes to sort through- and that's something for a vampire). And she would have spent most of the rest of the time moping, missing Jasper and trying to track down Edward (who has barely been home since leaving that morning) and mushing rose petals between her fingers. So it was better she left with them.

Except that the house feels too empty without them- it's usually filled with all of their boisterous noises, most coming from Emmett, forever challenging the others to bouts and his roars of fury that one time he dared to challenge Alice and she wiped the floor with him. She glances around and grimaces. Almost everything is gone- all except the grand piano, covered with a dust cloth, which she can't bare to move. Everything has either been taken to the car, waiting to be taken to their new house, which doesn't quite feel like a home, or in storage, in the secret hope that they might come back (or maybe just holding too many memories). It doesn't look natural- the emptiness. It feels dead and dark and the gray outside isn't helping. In a few months, all her hard work to make this place a home will have dissolved- it'll finally look like a crypt for vampires.

She wonders if this is a premonition- a foreboding glimpse of the future. The empitness, everyone gone, and only an echo of Edward remaining. She doesn't have to be Alice to see where this'll take them. And she's pretty sure that they're back where they started- before coming here. Back when they were all broken up, not seeing each other for months on end. Carlisle heading to the hospital most in need of his help- usually between those in dense, sunless cities. Jasper avoiding these, and heading further north, to somewhere with few people and maybe snow so as not to test himself too much, Alice tagging alongside, keeping him out of trouble. Emmett and Rosalie breaking away, seeing more of the world, looking for fights Emmett can get into and Rosalie can try to keep him away from, but never really finding any. Edward just drifting, moving between them all or going off on his own- maybe being away for years on end, this time. Their family's breaking up, and she can't seem to stop it.

And she's worried because this road appears to be too straight, too direct, too obvious. Almost too easy to get to- and impossible to veer from. Just a goodbye and that's it. Been said and done before. Shouldn't it be harder? Haven't they made a greater impact that one that a farewell can fix? How can it be so simple- just packing up their things to give them no reason to come back and her no reason to think they will?

It takes her a few moments to realise that he's back, his blonde hair sweeping past his face. And his eyes immensly saddened. He wasn't really ready to leave, he still had so much to give to the people here, so many goodbyes to say that he can't and now they'll have to start again building trust. But the hardest part is the reason for the leaving- not that someone is suspitious or they've all exceeded their limit their youth can get them, but because someone accepted them, for who they are. It seems a hard price for all to pay for that.

"Let's fly," he says, reaching for her hand. And it's nice to feel just that little comfort, to feel sad for herself and not for the others, to admit that this is harder for her than just packing a few boxes. Because this isn't like losing one member of her family- it's like losing them all.

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This took alot out of me and a lot of time (so I may have to add another day to the time limit...). Esme is rather predictable, which makes it hard to write an original fan fiction. Not my best- and I never thought i'd say this, but Carlisle looks set to be harder. And that sucks 'cause I like Carlisle. Review if you like and spellng as always... 


	6. The Pain I Might Leave Behind

(This was put off for so long due to homework, personal statements and exams. Apologies...)

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_Part Six- I Might Leave Behind_

Carlisle is the one to get into the driver's seat. Out of all his family, he's probably the one who likes to break traffic laws least (not including Esme, who has no trust in mechanical engines- so she probably let him get to the wheel first). But right now, he wants to drive really fast- he wants to leave this town before he has a chance to miss it. He will miss it- he still has so much to give to the people here and he knows this, but he can't think it now. Not when this is hard enough for Edward. Not when his thoughts could fill his son's head with more guilt and despair than it is already holding (maybe too much to hold). He'll get along just fine in another hospital- maybe better in one which has higher crime statistics. So there's no point in lamenting his leaving of this one. They were always going to have to leave- it just came sooner than he expected.

And yet, as he starts the car and begins the miles of drive, making it in about 17 seconds and swerving around the corner without stopping, without letting Esme beside him have a chance to look back- yet, it's not the way he expected to leave and that's probably the main problem. He expected to be able to give people notice, finish off with patients, not just handing them over. He expected to be able to have a leaving party thrown, the first they've ever had. He expected to have Edward's car following behind, Bella safely strapped into it, maybe sad to leave but confident of where they would be heading too. He could imagine it all so clearly and now- now everything had torn apart.

This was the place they could fit in and be a normal happy family in. It wasn't supposed to be the place they slipped away from in the dead of night. Well, actually they're sneaking out just after dawn but it's really the same thing.

And he wishes that Emmett and Rosalie could have stayed with them until this point. He couldn't have expected Jasper too, and Alice felt she had to go with them, but maybe if they had been here, Edward would have come home more often, would have let them all know if he considered rejoining them. Maybe he would have felt more waited for him in the future. But none of them can bare it and none of them at the moment can bare to be around him, in case they say or do something that makes it all worse- think the name that causes him to stiffen and wince slightly.

It never gets any easier for Edward. Always a struggle and never a happy ending. Even with love, the fates manage to torment him.

He had hoped it would help- his family around him, supporting him, helping him, reassuring him that he wasn't alone. It had worked before, when he'd been the outcast and returned. It had helped that he had somewhere to return to. But not this time. This time he's let them all go on without him. And even later, when he catches up to them (_if_ he every does), it won't be what he needs. Family, he guesses, couldn't help Edward here. Because, they didn't have an idea of what he was going through- the feeling of being alone, after having someone for even the briefest time. And no hope of ever finding a person like that again. For 80 years, he had lived with them, occasionally veering away, but always coming back. They were the reason for his existence- but it was a futile existence, lived only for their sake and he found little enjoyment in it.

And he had seen this, and he couldn't help his son. Now his existence means nothing again and he's become disillusioned- no longer sure that he can survive for his family alone. And again there's nothing _he_ can do to help. He can't think of anything in this plan that would help and even if he did, he doubts he'll have a chance to try it.

Indeed, as they cross the borders and he accelerates, he doubts if he'll ever see his son (the real son, not the empty shell) again.

* * *

It blows, I know... Carlisle is a person whose mind I can't get into right now... He's hard! Plus I felt most of it had been said before. Btu he couldn't be left out and I do love him, so I had to include him. Now all that is left is the epilogue. But first a message from the final Cullen, the youngest (physically) Cullen and the fandom's favourite Cullen. I'm sorry, for doing this to you, Edward... Review if you like. 


	7. Half Stalled

_Part Seven: It's easier to lie, _

_and be safe._

_Yet, time and time again, _

_I__'m **half stalled.**_

Edward is the only one left to say goodbye.

And for the briefest moment, after he says it, he wants more than anything to take it back. To hold her in his arms, to kiss her and tell her it's all a lie, to promise to never leave, to be here to protect her for as long as he has- protect her from himself if necessary.

But then she asks him to wait, and he remembers that it's all his fault that she's in danger, his fault that she's got this idiotic notion of joining him into her head, his fault for not being able to leave her alone and getting attached, when it would always have had to end this way- and he can't seem to feel sorry for this one, for getting to know her and love her for a few short months, so he knows it's better to leave. Because her safety is what he wants most. No, that's a lie. It matters more than what he wants most.

So he takes her arms, partially to hold one last time, partially to restrain her, but mostly to restrain himself- from picking her up, throwing her across his back and taking her with him.

And Alice was right. This goodbye is hard. It seems too hard now, as he looks into her eyes, to ignore the impulse to blurt out a final "I love you" because he can't bare to leave her like this, with no fragment of his love remaining. But he knows she'll always hope, that maybe, someday, the love might bring him back, and that hope could destroy the two of them.

And he's still with her and the absence is already burning into him. Even though he's still breathing in her scent, still hearing her heart beat, erratically now, with panic. How much worse was it going to get? But that's the way it needs to stay- with her heart beating and her blood flowing beneath her skin in sweet torrents. And he has to leave for this to happen.

So he leans in, taking in that final sniff, touching her warm skin softly with his lips- the last warmth he was going to feel for a while- probably ever. When he raises his head, her eyes are closed, her breathing shallow and fast. This is to be his last image of her, to take with him into his self-inflicted hell- terrified and in agony. It's too much to bare and he's almost glad her eyes are closed now- so she can't see the mask crumbling on his face.

"Take care of yourself," he manages to choke out. He knows he can't do it himself anymore... Then he repels himself from the pain he's inflicted on her, that he knows he can't comfort or take back, as much as he might want to.

And he refuses himself another glance...

* * *

I hate to do that to him. But I like to remember what everyone always forgets- that it hurts Edward when he leaves as well. Just because he has to do it, doesn't mean it doesn't kill him inside. Review if you like. 


	8. Epilogue: A Cold and Broken Hallelujah

__

Prologue

And it's not a cry that you hear at night.

_It's not somebody who's seen the light._

_**It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah…**_

_Alice_ stands at the front window and so is the first to see him coming. She'd 'seen' him about an hour before, but she still sighs in relief now, when his car pulls up in front of the house. His mind had been veering from one course to another over the last day, wanting to abandon his car and run as fast and as far as he possibly can at one moment, planning to turn around and go back the next. She wasn't sure if he'd ever decide to come home, and despite the vision, she daren't hope that the decision would stick, until she sees him. For a terrifying time, his car had been approaching airports, images of the Volturi's dark coats and red eyes in his future. But those had been brief flashes and she managed to convince herself that he didn't mean it- that he hadn't even really thought of-

But then he gets out of his car and she sees his face clearly, and suddenly she isn't so sure.

--

_Jasper_ stands by her side, but he feels him coming before he's even gotten out of the car and into their view. Every movement he makes is slow and precise- like a lethargic human's gait. His eyes are frozen, empty, focused on things but not really seeing them. And the mask has cracked, peeling off, taking with it any remains of vitality. He can feel the agony in every step he takes from the car to the door- and it's a struggle for _him_ to remain standing in this aura of despair, so he's got no idea how his brother is achieving it. It's not a feeling he can nullify- it's like it's overpowering his own sense.

Without thinking, he clutches closer to Alice instinctively, seeking her calming aura over this. And then he stops, sensing a new agony within _him_. It hurts to see them standing together. But he can't pull away. He can't shy away from her, and it's cruel and selfish to stay close to her now, when it's only increasing his agony, when this is all his fault. But he's not enough of a martyr to let go- to become what his brother is. Because he's a coward and a monster and none of them can argue otherwise.

--

_Emmett_ stands by the door, holding it open for his brother, as he stumbles in. In a normal state, he probably would have resented this. But not now. Now he's not even sure if the boy can stand and he wants to stay close, just in case someone has to catch him. Just so Esme isn't upset and Jasper doesn't cringe and Alice doesn't say something she'll regret. Even though Esme's already upset- upset that the mask has fallen, that he doesn't even have the strength left to want to pretend to be okay. And Jasper looks like he's already faltering under his distress, clutching Alice's arm, even if that does make it worse. And Alice doesn't look as if she can say anything right now- either reassuring or vindictive, and she wouldn't dare, regardless. That isn't her style. Now that all chances of convincing him to stay are gone, she'll go back to being the Number 1 supportive sister.

Not that it will help much anymore. All hopes of saving their brother from this hell are lost.

--

_Rosalie_ stands just out of his sight; a hand of Emmett's reaching around the wall she leans against and resting on her shoulder. They all know she's there- they can all hear her even if she's struggling not to even breath, but she can't bare to see them- to see him in the state she knows he'll be in. She can't bear to see him crushed and forlorn and actually regret the move. Because she doesn't want to want Bella around- to wish this change upon her. And she doesn't want to resent Bella for doing this to her brother- because it isn't Bella's fault. Only it is. She can't decide.

And then he winces again and she realises it's because someone's thinking the name- and she doesn't know if that's her fault or not. She might be causing pain without even being quite in the same room as him. So she stands out and once again, can't quite decide where she stands and whether they're better off or not.

--

_Esme _stands with her arms folded over her chest, so as to stop the uncontrollable urge to reach over and hug her son as he passes her on his way to the stairs. _It wouldn't help_, she tells herself. _It can't make everything better. _It isn't as if she's his mother and he's five and she can disperse all the monsters under his bed with a flash-light. This is real life, and he's heart-broken because of what he is- no one's fault at all, and she can't make it all better. She wishes she could. God, she wishes she could have stayed in the same room with Bella, without having to run from the blood. Or that she could have found a way to make this work, without having to leave to this dark empty house in a rush. Or that she could banish all his fears, with a smile and a lullaby.

But he isn't five and he hasn't been in a very long time. She isn't his real mother and even if she was, it wouldn't make any of this better. She can't even quite blame herself, because there is no blame and there is no making this right.

--

_Carlisle_ stands with his arm around her shoulder, even though it's not necessary, because she isn't, at the moment, about to throw herself at him. Which in the present would probably knock his feet out from under him. He does it because she needs the support and her heart is breaking, and he feels as if this is the only thing keeping him standing at the moment. He's never seen pain like this, never imagined it could quite exist- unconcealed, bare for all to see and raw. He's seen things that made him cringe, seen patients that would almost be better off dead than going through with the tattered lives they have left. He's heard stories of attacks and lives that would have make him cry were it possible. He's had to tell people of loved one's deaths, and seen the weeping, the screaming, the dead look in their eyes.

But he'd take it all- all the atrocious, staggeringly nauseating things he's witnessed and heard about in his three-and-a-half centuries. He'd take it all now, all squashed into an unbearable second or dragged for a century. He'd endure it all, if only to rid his son of that pain. He's never regretted changing him, never thought his life was better over than reborn and cursed- until now.

--

_Edward_ stands alone- for longer than he can stand, even though it's just a moment, just a second that freezes in that room. Then he slowly leaves the gathering at the doorway, unable to remain in the same room as the pairs of people, their clasped hands and the sets of their eyes around him- always two sets of yellow irises staring at him, with pity, any way he turns. He climbs the stairs, taking them slowly, lethargically, one at a time.

He reaches the landing and then realises he doesn't know where to go. Not because he doesn't know which room belongs to him- Esme thoughts told him as he came in, but because he can't go in there- because he has no idea if the room will be too similar or too different to take. And he can't stay out here, because the doors seem to be mocking him- all leading to paired rooms, with Esme and Carlisle in one, Rosalie and Emmett in another, Jasper and Alice in adjoining rooms. And then his room, solitary at the end of the hall- to be shared with no one…

He can feel something looming, something jagged and painful jabbing into his chest, where a heart hasn't beaten in almost a century, and he can't think of anywhere else to go- so he dives into the laundry cupboard to his side, squeezing himself in among the towels and sheets, just managing to shut the door, if he clasps his knees to his chest- the ways she always did…

And he's falling apart and he can't stop it. He can't block any of it out now- any of the memories of the forest yesterday, any of the voices below, thinking the name in whispers that they can't bare to say aloud- but their thoughts speak it loud enough. Closing his eyes, covering his ears with his hands, doesn't help- it only brings on the image of her face- crumpled. Broken.

And he can't stand that face. Before he couldn't stop himself. He knows it was wrong- he should have left it. But it was all he would have- just a single reminder unto eternity. And now he thinks maybe it will be worth it, as he reaches into his pocket, to see that face in a different way, with some life left in it- before he pilfered it all. He takes out a photo- craggy and blurred from clasping it in his hands too much.

He realises too late that it was the worst one to take.

There's a stranger staring back at him- wearing his clothes, his hair style, but covering the face, a mask of disdain and indifference- and it infuriates him so much that before he knows it, the half of the picture with himself on it has been ripped away, cut into tiny pieces, and scattered among the bedding, leaving only the half with her.

This half, he holds with reverence, hardly daring to handle any part she covers. Except, there is his shadow-self's hand upon her shoulder, tainting her with its demonic touch. And the rest is gone, shredding her body, just to get rid of the hand. Her face is all he has left- all that he needs- her pale skin, her slightly curling brown hair, her warm eyes, her unsure-half smile, all within the palm of his hand. Only really, she's so far away. Now she stands alone too. And he can't stand that, seeing her standing alone as well, lost and alone… He tries to tell himself that she's human, that the suffering can't be as great for her as what is beginning to roll over his head. He tries to convince himself that she'll move on- she won't always be standing alone- but thinking of that is almost as painful to him. Even though it's what he wants. Almost.

He sighs and drags his eyes from her face, letting it fall into his lap. And, with that, the waves of pain rear up high and wash over his head, pulling him under.

He does not resurface…

* * *

_"Time passes. E__ven when it seems impossible. __Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."_

Because Edward's pain should be remembered. It took me a while to do this, mostly because once again Esme and Carlisle evaded me. I just mumbled a bunch of crap last night and it seeed to fit. I just wanted to get it finished. I promised myself a week to do this, and it ended up stretching for a month- but at least I got it done. More than I expected.

Went over-board with Edward. It was supposed to be a brief summary of each character (hence why I didn't give Alice nearly as much as I should have liked and messed up Jasper), but Edward didn't really have a real chapter to express his emotions- just one in which he was stuck to what he felt he had to do, little regret. So I rambled on a bit with the picture. Which is unrealistic, but I liked the idea (I had it originally of Alice finding the shredded pieces, all but the face, but it wouldn't have worked. Too much of Alice once again). And it nearly killed me inside writing it because I love Edward so, and so that's why I wrote his name only once.

Thank you for following my first multi-chapter fan-fiction! Review if you like and hope you enjoyed.

-Aerisofthewhite.


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